Teaching myself!

I am trying to teach myself how to stay calm and relax. I am so tired of feeling like I have all the worries in the world, when in all honesty it should not be my worries at all!  I have been going to physical therapy for a back problem and when the therapist does my shoulders and neck he said it is so tight and knotted up! Its pretty much the stress of the day that brings it on!  After he massages my neck for about 10 min. I feel so much better only to have it return and be just as tight the next time I see him.  So now I am trying to stay calm, cool and collected no matter!  I sometimes feel like I am a heart attack waiting to happen!  I want to nip it in the bud, of course before it does happen, but lets say I don't and it does and I live through it to survive, changes in my life really will happen I promise you that! Of course if I do kick the bucket at least you will know what I was thinking that "being all the should haves and could haves and the why didn't I's ". LOL

Change of plans for college!

My son Rob decided to change his major in college to Physical Therapy, which I think is a great idea with a big (huge demand) out there for therapist .  He will finish his 68 credits at UCC than proceed to go to Kean or Montclair University to continue to get his Masters, with luck I hope he will continue with getting his Doctorate! We shall see time will tell with the Doctorate part of it!  My husband and myself are really glad on his decision!  Of course his dream is be in Law enforcement and he will continue his quest for that! He said Physical Therapy is his back up plan.  I still think it is the other way around but once again time will tell that also!  He goes to school each and every day with no drama and his focus is amazing to me!  I expected a lot more of negativity on his part, which I am so glad did not happen! The truth is  (as I see it)  when you want to succeed and be successful you can, my son Rob is showing me that anything is doable as long as you want it bad enough! He wants it very bad, and he is pushing full stream ahead!  He is so unlike me in that respect and I am so glad he is the way he is!  He truly is making us very proud parents!

Oh well!

I just checked my lottery tickets, I wanted to be able to say I won  , but of course, notta.  Now I have to think of what I want to say, for the last week, writers block still continues, and my enthusiasm is pretty much on a down hill spiral kinda of thing! My not so exciting blog is just that, not so exciting, what could I say every day is the same old, same old!  I know someone out there has to be going through the same thing I am, please God it can not be only me!  This weekend, let me think how busy is my schedule, oh right not busy at all! LOL  Next weekend we are all going to Delaware to watch my cousins son play football, before game we are having a tailgate party which should be fun, lots of great food, which of course I will not be able to eat a lot of because I have a Lap Band.  If you do not know what it is, its a band that wraps around your stomach so you eat only little portions of food. Food use to be my everything, that's why of course,I was fat. If I was bored food was my best friend and I was so dependent on it to make me feel good!  Well not always good because when I looked into the mirror I was by far not a happy women!  Now with 60lbs lighter and still trying to lose more I feel great but at times I still miss my best friend (food) who knows maybe that's why I am confused. Only kidding, I am so used to it now that food is not # 1 in my life anymore and new things have replaced it!  The problem with me is I get bored so easy with things, I just need that one thing that pops and I will fly with it!  I just hope I don't die before I find it!  LOL 

Dreary day!

It is a really rainy dreary Friday here in the state of New Jersey, but you know what, so what its Friday and oh so happy!  I love weekends because, I could be my own boss and do not have to answer to anyone!  There are no questions ask, and I could be just plain old me, which I happen to like, when I am not a raving manic that is.   All the stress of the work place has been coming home to my personal life way to much!  What to do about it is always the question I ask myself, and there never is an answer or a solution!  I love what I do, but sometimes it just gets to me. I find in life that there is never no easy ways of getting around things, that is why I am the way I am.  A strong minded women, with loads of opinions, maybe not  all good ones, but not afraid to voice my feelings no matter what!  Over the top sometimes, it depends on what type of person you are talking to, I might hear that from a person that when talking to,they are as stiff as a cardboard or a whole lot worse!  I learned from experience, and I ask myself would I want to be that type of person and my answer is always HELL NO!  LOL My promise to myself is to leave the stress at the workplace and treat my family with the love and respect they deserve, because when push comes to shove that's the only thing that matters!

Whats to say!

I am having writers block big time today, not in mood for much of anything. Thoughts are running in my head like,  you made your bed now you have to sleep in it, What have I gotten myself into, day in and day out, same shit different day, there has to be something better than this, kinda of mood day!  I don't know about you but I am having these kinds of days more and more often, than I care to think about!  I am not the type of person to feel sorry for myself, but for some stupid ass reason I am, so not me. I have a great kid, a marriage that is going on 30years this Oct 9th and a lot of great and fun things coming up in my life to looking forward to with family and friends!  But today, right at this moment I am feeling restless, and confuse about certain things and just plain out sick of thinking period.  I cannot wait to retire and move down the shore and begin anew, take walks on the beach on a cool brisk day look out at the ocean while the birds fly south, with the wind on my face and the sky blue as can be and just breath! 

The first college year!

I have always thought that a child should experience college years away from home!  For kids it is the in thing to do of course, leave the nest and fly and be independent!  The money aspect is really not a factor in their eyes for most of them, it is usually more so for the parents! My son Rob is going to a county college to get his associates degree than transfer to another college to get his Bachelors.  I have to tell you, I like that he is close to home right out of high school.  I really think (in my opinion not all kids are the same). it feels good to know and see any signs of being visibly stress from the pressures that you get in college more so than in high school. College whether it be a big University college or a local county college still has all the same pressures of work that needs to be done! Math for my son is not easy, his first test he thinks, he did not do well on it. He said to me that mom you know what the problem is, they do not allow you to use a calculator when taking a test in college like in high school!

Now I need to ask why do they let you use a calculator in high school in the first place, it makes everything so easy and takes away from the learning process in the first place. I know this sound crazy but think about this, the schools in New Jersey change clocks from the older types with the arms to digital types, so when a child looks at the time if it is 9:15 it reads 9:15  with the arm clock you have to use your brain a little more to read it!  I use to say to my son it is a quarter after 9, he did not know what that meant, I had to say 9:15, really are you kidding me, why did they change the clocks in the first place?  Now that I vented about all that, I have to get back to the issue of local vs. away!  Stress as we all know does crazy things to a persons mine, there are strong minded people and weaker minded people!  Rob, is strong minded where he knows he has a problem with the math and decided to go to tutoring the college offers for extra help!  I did not have to tell him he just knows, but if he was different and didn't get the help he needs he might have felt like a failure like a lot of kids might feel like.  Being a parent who visibly is looking and seeing any signs of problems will know what I am saying.  I have read stories of  kids who have had to much stress and they felt like a failure to their family to bother them with it all, and the outcome sometimes does not turn out very well! For myself I am very glad to see the signs of any sort and I am glad that he reaches out to us and we could physically be there for him at any time of need that he might have.  The county college works for us and it is turning out to be a very good choice with no regrets at all! As I write this my son text me to tell me he did not do great but at least he passed with a 76, you know what I said that was great!  I love that he communicates with us and we are there to give him the encouragement he needs!

Brand name Items!

Okay here it goes, every time I go shopping, like everyone else I look for bargains. When I go with husband and the son tags along I spend loads more money!  If I crab something and its not a brand name they flip out. I try to tell my son, (husband is pretty much a lost cause already and a waste of time and he is making our son a clone of him) that a lot of the time you are paying for the name more than anything else.  Of course it is all a waste of breath, so I decided to take matters into my own hands.  My son loves A-1 steak so (its the best and that is all there is to it, so he says). Really, I don't think so. When the sauce ran out I purchased America's Choice sold in Pathmark sitting right next to A-1. I put America's Choice steak sauce in A-1 steak sauce bottle and my son has not said one word about it not tasting right at all. He has eaten at least 3 steaks since and not one word of negativity has been made out of his mouth!  I also did it with honey  he has to have Golden Blossom not anything else so you know what I did and again not a word, the only problem with honey it could be pretty messy and sticky and not worth the hassle in the long run.  And even though husband is a lost cause he has come to realize that he likes the Americas Choice chicken breast better than Perdue so go figure that out!  Saving $2 to $3 per item is a big thing to me especially if I am just paying for a name! It really is all in the head! LOL